Steel Heart: High Tech Warrior from the 1300s.. Continuation of the true but kinda fake story.
Paladamius yelled "Weapons master! Take Steel Heart down into our top secret weapons dungeon. But do not reveal to him too much of our top secret, skull crushing, futuristic weapons... Remember, he could be our enemy someday!" Steel heart could see an old man, dressed in chain mail with a brown cloak and hood over his head.
"Great, I have to get my weapons made by someone wearing a hoodie? And what about my weapon patents?" As Steel heart walked down a maze of stairs with the hooded man "Tell you what, I will destroy the one dimensional drafts on papyrus paper after you tell me them.. Promise"
Steel Heart got down to a weapons making cellar, where he was incredibly impressed.. But not overly. There, were large balistas that could shoot 5 foot arrows from miles away. A man trap, in the same design of a mouse trap, only where the cheese goes, a piece of gold lay. He rushed to cover that one with a long blanket, as it was top secret. Then there stood a near mirror looking suit of armor that could be turned into a steel casket, with handles on it for funeral burial. Steel Heart was still not impressed with all of his mundane gadgets...
Hoodie "You love my weapons.. See how I can cut costs when the men go into battle. They already carry their coffins on their backs.. See the beautiful steel armored coffins they wear..." Steel Heart pushed him against the wall violently "Damn you, man! For ever step a soldier takes into that field, he must not feel the terrible feeling of dying! You will spoil the mighty battle for him without even starting to chop flesh! You must change your armor design to one of pictures draped over its metal.. Put pictures of victory, a man standing on top of a mountain! A soldier reaping the spoils of the battle! And a drilled hole through the metal buttocks, so he can...!" Hoodie then tried to slam Steel Heart against the wall "I get the point, enough of your ideas already!"
Steel Heart yelled "Yes, a hole in the front and one in the back, so there! Remember, woman warriors need, one hole"... Hoodie yelled, "Aha! Now I understand"
Steel Heart continued "Well, they are built like the birds, you know... Now, get me a smaller catapult made for me that can be placed on my shoulder... I seen this from a vision of a futuristic thing called an RPG... And a sword, at least 50 feet long, so I do not have to touch this beast while the flames are cooking my brain! Also, I need a magnetic collar, so when I throw it at his neck, it will connect by itself with its north and south poles"
Hoodie blinked his eyes for a minute "How will I make all of that? Magnets, what are those things? A smaller catapult to be put on your shoulder? I do not have any special magic to perform all of this! I may have to get the clerics to tie you to the stake and burn you!"
Steel Heart laughed "You call me a heretic? How dare you", as he slapped him across the face. "Much work has to be done, I will fetch the materials necessary. You provide me with your metal forming ways, and I need that metal coffin to be coated with a high temperature ceramic.. I seen this in a dream, futuristic, you know of a space ship going to the moon! I dreamed I was chasing down a gang of ruthless mercenaries with my mighty sword, called the moon landing pundits. They said it never happened, but I know it did! I was there on the shuttle with them in my dreams, making love to all of the scantily clad women pilots!"
Hoodie laughed again "A space ship? I do not understand, but keep your words to yourself or you will be thrown into the hot cellar! Now lets get to work, enough of your bravado and strange but nearly impossible ideas!"
to be continued...
"Great, I have to get my weapons made by someone wearing a hoodie? And what about my weapon patents?" As Steel heart walked down a maze of stairs with the hooded man "Tell you what, I will destroy the one dimensional drafts on papyrus paper after you tell me them.. Promise"
Steel Heart got down to a weapons making cellar, where he was incredibly impressed.. But not overly. There, were large balistas that could shoot 5 foot arrows from miles away. A man trap, in the same design of a mouse trap, only where the cheese goes, a piece of gold lay. He rushed to cover that one with a long blanket, as it was top secret. Then there stood a near mirror looking suit of armor that could be turned into a steel casket, with handles on it for funeral burial. Steel Heart was still not impressed with all of his mundane gadgets...
Hoodie "You love my weapons.. See how I can cut costs when the men go into battle. They already carry their coffins on their backs.. See the beautiful steel armored coffins they wear..." Steel Heart pushed him against the wall violently "Damn you, man! For ever step a soldier takes into that field, he must not feel the terrible feeling of dying! You will spoil the mighty battle for him without even starting to chop flesh! You must change your armor design to one of pictures draped over its metal.. Put pictures of victory, a man standing on top of a mountain! A soldier reaping the spoils of the battle! And a drilled hole through the metal buttocks, so he can...!" Hoodie then tried to slam Steel Heart against the wall "I get the point, enough of your ideas already!"
Steel Heart yelled "Yes, a hole in the front and one in the back, so there! Remember, woman warriors need, one hole"... Hoodie yelled, "Aha! Now I understand"
Steel Heart continued "Well, they are built like the birds, you know... Now, get me a smaller catapult made for me that can be placed on my shoulder... I seen this from a vision of a futuristic thing called an RPG... And a sword, at least 50 feet long, so I do not have to touch this beast while the flames are cooking my brain! Also, I need a magnetic collar, so when I throw it at his neck, it will connect by itself with its north and south poles"
Hoodie blinked his eyes for a minute "How will I make all of that? Magnets, what are those things? A smaller catapult to be put on your shoulder? I do not have any special magic to perform all of this! I may have to get the clerics to tie you to the stake and burn you!"
Steel Heart laughed "You call me a heretic? How dare you", as he slapped him across the face. "Much work has to be done, I will fetch the materials necessary. You provide me with your metal forming ways, and I need that metal coffin to be coated with a high temperature ceramic.. I seen this in a dream, futuristic, you know of a space ship going to the moon! I dreamed I was chasing down a gang of ruthless mercenaries with my mighty sword, called the moon landing pundits. They said it never happened, but I know it did! I was there on the shuttle with them in my dreams, making love to all of the scantily clad women pilots!"
Hoodie laughed again "A space ship? I do not understand, but keep your words to yourself or you will be thrown into the hot cellar! Now lets get to work, enough of your bravado and strange but nearly impossible ideas!"
to be continued...
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