The Supermarket Guy 5: From the cradle to the legendary fable

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It was a balmy day when Harold Wannapus was born. His mother was screaming in constant pain, as the top of his head began to gleam like a pearl in the incandescent lights. They could just see the head pop out a little bit. His father yelled at his wife "50, 40, 30, hut hut.. Come on, pass him to me. I can take him down the 10 yard line, tackle this doctor and these few scrawny nurses and get a touchdown! I know you can do it!"

It was 1979, and at that time you could smoke in the hospitals. "Shut your trap, this is not a football game you are coaching. Same thing with the sex, you thought my breasts were energy drink bottles. Guess they weren't red bull, you certainly fell asleep shortly after a few seconds of cuddling. Give me some oxygen, this pain is unbearable. Get my loser husband out of here!"

One nurse quietly spoke to the high school gym teacher coach, while the other lit up a massive cigar for Harolds mom "Sir, you are making your wife feel very uncomfortable here now. May I suggest you go down to the main lobby and watch "Mork and Mindy"

He shot the nurse across the room, as she hit the wall in surprise "Mork and Mindy? How is an alien exposed to have a child, anyways? No woman who cannot properly fire out my son is going to tell me what to do" as he pointed his finger at his wife, then turned it on the doctor under his chin "Get some butter, and rub it all in between there. I got a bumper  jack in the back of my car, we can set it in between her legs and crank like crazy! We got to get my son out of there now, I got a football game to coach in a few minutes!"

The doctor then feverishly knelt down between Harolds moms legs as he began to make a few snips "The best thing that everyone can do now, is help this lady to push! Take in a deep breath, and push! Push!"

Harolds father was beginning to worry "I will begin to punch her just below her wind diaphragm, that should help!" A nurse came out with a bottle that was marked "Rubbing Alcohol", which caused Harolds moms eyes to open wide as she held out her hands while licking her lips "Alcohol! Give me a damn drink, now!"

Harold shot out into his fathers arms. He bit off the umbilical cord. A legend was born. 

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