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The Jon Acadou in cognito hiding out Christmas call to Harold

The phone rang at the Wannapus's. The ring tone was that of Dolphin's, quackling to and fro in water. He loved dolphins, his tree was covered with dolphin, whale, and shark ornaments. It was Christmas day, and Harold picked up his 1978 dial phone with an extra long extension cord. He walked out from his huge salon into his massive kitchen area. The turkey was in the oven, and he opened the door to spread some bacon on top. Layered up a few inches thick.

He could see the unknown number showing on the phone. He sighed "Is this a phone call from Pakistan. You want my credit card number again? I am running out of numbers, and..."

Acadou yelled on the other side of the line "Harold, you fool! It is me, your nemesis. Jonathan Acadou the First. I just called to wish you a very unmerry Christmas, and I hope you choke when crunching down on that delicious turkey neck you devour every Christmas at this time!"

Harold laughed "Yes, I want to wish that you go outs…

4 on 5 star rating today

This Christmas eve I got a 4 on 5 star rating for Part 3 of the Supermarket Guy. Very lucky to get reviews as of late, due to allot of problems with having time and the energy to put a few through for Part 4, as discussed earlier in this blog.

4 on 5 is a great rating. My books did not have the money to be put in for super editing, and had only probably above average but not "super" editing facilitators in my endeavors. Part 4 is only 2.99 on Amazon for E books, and the editing is not perfect their either. But, for the price, the story is great and humorous, and I do not believe anyone can go wrong for that price.

If I could scrounge up the monies for a written Part 4, it would definitely have to be edited much better. But, for an E book at 2.99, I hope people do not complain too much...

I may go right now, and put a giveaway on somewhere. Maybe Goodreads, maybe Amazon.... It is either I do a Part 3 giveaway, or Part 1 or 2. I think Goodreads allows older giveaways now...

P…

Wishing you all the best for Christmas and 2017!

It is the time for Ferrari Rocher. Or is it Ferraro?  Maybe some eggnog, or is it dregnog? Butter roasted turkey, or beer bomb basted? Time for friends and relatives, or strangers and maybe a little danger?

I want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas, and a bright 2017.

This blog has gone through a larger transformation, in that I had more visitors here from many different areas in the world, not just Canada or the USA. Most notably, very thankful for the visits from France, Germany, Poland and the U.K. Even some Asian visitors have been popping in on rare occasion, especially from India and Singapore. And, of course, Russia has been a big visitor on this site as well.

My Christmas. I only hope for peace, prosperity, and health for you all.

I do wish I could get a few book reviews for Part 4, but sometimes miracles do not happen.

The E Book route I had chosen did not play easy into any giveaway formats - Amazon only allows US Residents to giveaway e books on their site, Goodreads m…

The Supermarket Guy's Christmas special part 2 with Talk Show host Gradestoopid!

Gradestoopid twirled his pen and rolled his eyes "What in the bloody blazes can you do with clothes pegs, or pins.. Whatever! I have a few here in my desk, actually"  He placed one on his nose and began to chirp.

"My name is Harold Wannapus, total loser and jerkaholic" as he began to talk in a low pitched voice, with the clothespin pegged on his nose.

The Harold friendly crowd began to boo Gradestoopid.

Harold took a clothespin and began to press on the "V" end of it.

"Well, I usually like to make a clothespin house out of them. If I really get bored, I put clothes out on the line to dry. Try to tell that to my wife, she seems to always gets her pinky finger caught into the end of the pin. Ouchy wouchie!"

Gradestoopid sighed and took his pin off of his nose "Definitely you are no Jonathan Acadou, fashion haute couture specialist, runway madness man! If all that is what you were going to do, to come on here and talk about clothespins, then …

Supermarket Magnet and CEO Harold Wannapus sits down with Talk Show Host Flunky Gradestoopid

Harold Wannapus walked towards Gradestoopid's desk, on his live talk show. It was a Christmas special, and he was going to get roasted tonight by Gradestoopid... The host got up to shake his hand as he approached, and both sat down with Mr. Gradestoopid sitting behind his desk.

Mr. Gradestoopid smiled and tilted his head "So Harold, great to have you on our show. After several years of dodging our calls, running away from our paparazzi, burning our mail invites on your very popular sudoko television channel you host, finally we got you right where we want you. In the sweat seat!"

Harold tilted his back foward, and he could feel a layer of sweat on his back. He then stood up, and turned around. A circle of sweat was seen on his buttocks area, as the crowd laughed and jeered.

"So you had that greasy slimeball, Jonathan Acadou on here just before me? Usually he trains like a sweat hog in the gym. If I would have known you were classless enough to bring a guy like that…
The Fury of the Climate Changer-  The front cover.

Well, it pretty much describes everything the main character has to escape. Seering heat, heavy snowfall, tornadoes, and heavy rains just to be general... But it adds to much more than that...

The main protaganist spreading his legs over a fission in the earths crust, with the main villian scoring a slam dunk in his newfound sport of choice... The good guys scientist with the black curly locks, and the villians scientist with the bald head running to help... The villians muscular built son firing bullets in rebellion... A goat? Maybe it is a goat, and it too has a major part to play...

That big building in the back is a high security prison... Fires, floods, and snowfalls that amount to avalanches...  That rust bucket of a rocket in the sky, plays a major roll also...

The main character, half of his body is reddened by the hot sun.. Sun tan... The villians skin, partly green.. Well... Something chemical is going on?  And, that platte…

Will take a much needed haitus in writing.

Now that Part 4 has been published in Ebook format, I have decided to take a much needed haitus away from writing. I may never return, as it appears the appeal for my work is not in demand anywheres at this moment in time.

It is the tough reality for Self Publishing Authors, who have to run to promote, giveaway, and try to sell their wares by themselves.

I do not know how many sites you can go to see where humor is a harder sell than most. Humor novels seem to be the last pickens on many peoples shopping list. Especially around Christmas, where the holiday charm leads to more main stream big titled books.

Somehow though, I feel at a finish line. I wanted Part 4 to be 'out there', and it is. It is refreshing no matter how low the sales are. Just that the 1000 pages of humor is what I set out to do, as per an 8 and a half by a 5 and a half paperback would offer. I accomplished it as best as I could.

The covers, the writing style, no more truer than in the last. It was a book th…

The Release of Part 4 and the aftermath

There were no parades in the streets, fireworks or hoopla at all on the release of Part 4. Just allot of silence, tranquility, and many tall grey stone walls all around it...

Not easy with an E book to market, either. There are very few sites that may help at no costs, but many as we all know, want money to try to 'help' you with your E Book (which is understandable and human), but still do not believe they could lift a book up into someones hands to read it. Then give you a review.

I gave many books out on Goodreads and then Amazon with their giveaways. It seemed like the latter did not give me many reviews, but I was told I should have solicitated reviews on the giveaway. Right now, my newest E book off of the line has it showing me nothing.

I have tweeted on twitter to some very great hashtags, but nothing has come about. A few clicks of interest, but this did not surprise me at all. I have tweeted about the last two books, but when Part 1 came out I did not know about twi…

Eureka!

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MRFSX2K/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1478303020&sr=1-1


The Supermarket Guy IV:  Fury of the Climate Changer

Is here!!!

The Supermarket Guy IV countdown!

The Supermarket Guy IV countdown in 1... 2... days, and should be available via Amazon Kindle... Plus or minus a half a day or so. Or maybe bang on time... The other formats may take up to 10 days for other formats, up to 3 weeks for even more formatted versions.

The process was actually less painful than what I had been thought to believe, with a few stories of how some people did not get it formatted in a good flowing way to appear on the pages of a E book reader. I hope the version I got back ( the proof), goes good on your reader just as it looked good on mine... And it should.

The cover looks great, and the current company kept it within the ideas of my last 3 books. If it does well, a print book would be available later on. If it does bad, then the E book will be as far as it goes.

I may start writing another, since this process was less painful via the pocketbook than the others... E books are cheaper, but when getting it to print, it is all a different story.

No, this really…

The Supermarket Guy 4 now in que.

The Supermarket Guy 4 is now in production mode. Should be available in 2 weeks time, but only in E book but in all formats, pretty much. Amazon, Barnes, Kobe, ect...

Problem I had all along with putting it in print, as a real paper great smelling book, was the price.

Cost of E book and Print was approximately 2400 at one place. Another place it was 1700 to 1800 Canadian dollars, approximately, and I nearly took the second option.

E books, on the other hand, are cheap to make. For a few hundred dollars, I decided on the E book route. I despised not having a printed version, but alas, when you do not sell enough, this is what happens. I never did sell enough to make up for the money I put into the last 3 books. The low cost route was the only alternative, otherwise it would have been a no go...

So, two weeks time. A cover, no spine required, no back cover. Reformatted for E books... Hope that goes ok... I heard some bad situations, and I probably am prepared for a mess coming back my …

Waterman the good but lucky fireman!

Waterman was at the firehouse checking extinguishers for their due dates, when suddenly an alarm came into the firehouse!

A call came in generating an alarm to get mobile right away to save the villages precious library of stick figure only books...

Waterman screamed at his colleagues, who were grasping the steel shiney pole that lead down to the first floor to the firetrucks "Guys, we got to get to the village library! I never understood those stick figure, picture books with no words in ' em, but I could not read either when I was a big man. I will bring my camera to shoot every page while you guys hold back the flames, if I must, to perserve the village heritage.. Heck, they say there is a stick man picture book of me swimming nude in Daytona beach while seeing my..."

Raphotilia yelled "Shut up, Waterman, and stop your audio book lecture with zero admirers about a story that no one obviously has time to listen to! Put on your helmet, your flame retardent suit, a…

Part 4 cover being assessed for go ahead.

Part 4's cover is being assessed for go ahead. Checking DPI, seeing what quality we got with it, and if the design department will not charge me an arm and a leg for a front cover that I totally drew out and designed...

We will see how it goes. So far bad luck has been with me on this journey for creating Part 4. Still finding very little time to complete, Canadian Dollar low, a book cover where I had to go to a second copying spot to get the right DPI count... After the first told me it was over 300, but was only 90...

I nearly felt like giving up this week and just throwing in the towel. It may still happen, as the process has not been committed to as of yet.

And as self publishing people, we mostly do it because of a sort of self gratification-  95 % of us are not going to sell, enough to even cover the cost of production, in my opinion...

This should be the last book. But I said that with the last one too... Well, just maybe this will be the last one... Just maybe.. If I can …

Part 4 was ready to go... Still a no?

Part 4 of my book was ready to go to a publisher. A self publisher. I thought going to another self publishing spot may alleviate my cost problems, and bring them down to a responsible level.

So far, perhaps the upfront cost may equal that to my old publisher, or a bit more by 400 cigarettes. The amount that will be needed to burn in order to get myself to publish this thing.

Once again I am worn down. No time. But, the text is finished. The cover in my view is finished, but not in a self publishers view. The cover has to contain a back cover, and a spine. I was thinking, if I drew out the entire front cover in order to save me money, and yet have to just prepare a spine, a back cover in order to save more, then something is wrong. A spine just has to have the main title and perhaps my name alongside of it. The back, a blurb about the book and a frame or boarder around the words. Still, this takes time to produce a spine and a back cover, something I had not even thought about yet.

S…

Harold Wannapus Billionaire eccentric even in polls with Hillary and Trump!

The polling numbers are out! Harold Wannapus is even with Trump and Clinton!

A reporter had this to ask on his recent visit to the U.S. Virgin Islands while on vacation while on the campaign trail "Sir, the polling has you even with the two heavy weights in this Presidential campaign. People do not understand how you are doing it. All you have offered in your campaign was to enforce a ten ply toilet paper act to make washrooms less difficult, a new holiday called alien day to celebrate the extra terrestrial life that you say lives here amongst us on earth, and a new citizen catapulting system to ferry people from one city to another"

Harold Wannapus drank down his pina colada "Poll numbers can be confusing. Who uses percentages in real life, anyways! Percentages, the old system used by the cave man in counting bison in the old west. Geuss what? There are no bison left roaming in our old west! Percentages have done them in! Well America, you can count on one thing! Wann…

Harold Wannapus the Billionaire Supermarket Mogul and the Presidential debates.

CNO Larry Pookohoon asked the first question to Donald Trump "Ok, the wall. Who is going to pay for it? You say Mexico? Do they got enough cement in Mexico to do the job?"

Donald Trump responded "Yes, we will build a wall on the boarder between Mexico and US!"

Hillary Clinton answered "Who needs a wall, lets build a friendship between Mexico and the US!"

Harold Wannapus pondered but then answered after the reporter Pookohoon shooted in his microphone "Mr. Wannapus, who is going to pay for the wall?"

The months and months of campaigning took a toll on the dubinair billionaire. He fluttered his eyes and could only think of peanut butter and strawberry jam sandwiches. All the money he spent on the trail, his personal cash, to try to defeat the stalwarts of the Democrat and Republican parties...

He woke up and hit his head on the microphone on his podium "Uh. Oh. Ok. Yep, Well A wall, very dangerous they could fall and break a bone when catapu…

93 000 words and not done yet.

The Supermarket Guy 4, 93 000 words and continuing to grow.

93000 words, and not done yet. The Supermarket Guy 4, maybe completed this fall. If things go well. I ran into some difficulties this year, with time not being on my side at all. Finally getting it together though, as I decided to do a little bit every day, even if time only permits me a half hour a day. 

This is by far the longest novel, if I am lucky enough to see it produced, I have ever done. A humor novel, nonetheless. I thought for a long time, why waste my time doing a fruitless humor novel? No one is interested in humor any more. Well, for me personally this will end the series for a long, long time. Unless it goes well, then things could catch lightning elsewhere.

As you read the following comedy excerpts below, please understand that they are off the cuff, not edited very well, not intended to really be as forcefully humorous as in my books. But sometimes they do hit that certain string of oddity or comedy that we all…

Billionaire Harold Wannapus and his Race to the White House....

Speaking at a rally in Los Angeles, California, Harold Wannapus took the stage where Steve McQueen flew his mustang over the famous car chase route and began speaking about the most important issues to the citizens there.

"Ladies and Gentleman, here I stand before you where the great Steve McQueen drove his mustang through the streets at an incredible speed. So fast, you could say not only did he defy the local bicycle police squad, but he also defied gravity. And that is what I intend to do here today. Defy gravity"

Everyone started to applaud "Yes, I am going to blast this ole fuel eating hill into the anals of darkened history! Dynamite, this entire street section, and then build caves just below all of these buildings, to create a flurry of investment, coffee shops, sweat wear, and many specialty toothpick stores will pop up. You just wait and see"

The crowd were now spellbound "Not only that, it will stop the police from continually harrassing people tha…

Billionaire Harold Wannapus continues his Presidential campaign for glory!

Taking out two hand puppets of a chicken and a fox, he began to dish out the goods on the economy and taxation. At a town hall somewhere in Florida, he took the podium with his two friends.

"Hi great citizens of the sunshine state. I would like to introduce you the average middle class tax paying laying hen, Bankrupto. And, the tax eating fox, Govern-o-gobbler.

"Now, Bankrupto was having a hard time laying eggs. You see, Govern-o-gobbler raised property taxes, income taxes so high, that the poor little hen could not afford any feed to make any eggs! She then scampered to find bugs hiding under small pepples, and gave up her wireless wi fi automatic water filling machine to make things easier for her family.  Then, came Harold Wannapus to the rescue! First think Bankrupto asked, was how can you make me rich again. Govern-o-gobbler is taking everything away from us! Please save us, Wannapus sir!"

He began to motion his hands back and forth with the puppets, in a nearly f…

Billionaire Harold Wannapus enters presidential race for the White House

Harold Wannapus, the Billionaire macho boy got up to the stage in a small farming town in Ohio, and began to talk how he was going to make America better.

"Foreign debt. I hear allot about our country being in debt. How are we going to solve it? I will pour billions of our treasure dollars into a coal to gold making machine. I have faith in our medieval chemical technology? Try to get Merlins DNA from the grave and clone him, Why not? Thereby elimating carbon pricing, as carbon will be now used for to make gold bullion to pay off our enormous debt! Let the good times roar, I suggest everyone just get out there and spend some more! Watch out Trump, eat your heart out!"

"Social Security? Run out of funds? Hillary got it all wrong! I say we expand the program to bring in more contributors, and thus grow the pot. Even bring in a few smart horses from those high paying derbies, you know the ones that make money winning, and let them pay the contributions! Animals
can pay to…

The self proclaimed greatest baseball hitter of all time

My name is Harold Wannapus,
I hit the ball real hard,
cause I ate a tub of lard,
just yesterday in the Yankees yard,

I know I can fly like a Jay,
my shin pads are made of hay,
should the pitcher hit me today,
due to one of my teammates being couth,
thinking he is an undisciplined youth,

So I swing my bat,
the pitcher hits me in the hat,
I fall to the ground,
I make lots of sounds,

The blind umpire says I walk,
I said shut up I will talk,
I want a chance to bat again,
but I can only grin,

as I swing for that pitchers gut,
he keels over and asks for a rub...


Free loader Billionaire Harold Wannapus tries to climb Mount Everest on the cheap!

"The time. The time. We need to beat the time! I know we can climb Mount Everest in a 5 hrs, half the time of the so called experts!  If we use Google maps, take an extra battery and a few hot bricks, I am sure we can make it!" Harold triumphantly yelled at his cohorts.

Pete smiled "Yes, but we must use light weight oxygen masks made from tough horse hide! Food, we should just take with us sucralose, or corn syrup! It is high in energy and easy to carry! A box of pancake batter to boot!"

Steve who had the most common sense of all of the three adventurers, nodded "Yes, oxygen tanks. But costly, I am sure our rich friend Harold here, does not mind spending that cold hard cash. Pancakes, we will have to take up a bunsun burner. I was thinking of using an incinerator to burn our waste and create heat, to cook our food. But that is expensive too!"

Harold cringed at the idea of spending any money on the journey "I have heard that the without oxygen journe…

Billionaire Harold Wannapus envies the Solar Planes record so he builds a solar submarine!

Harold Wannapus waved to his millions of adoring fans, as half of his body was inside of the submarine he had constructed for his around the oceans and back world event tour.

One scientist held up his pen near the dock to ask a question before he got in "Your submarine has solar panels at the top, to absorb the earths rays! How fast does your submarine go on a full tank of the suns energy?"

Harold smiled back and responded "Oh, it will go at at least 200 knots. We constructed this submarine to be as nimble and agile as a turtle, that actually ploughs the water forward as to create the impression of rising sea levels for all kids to enjoy when sloshing near the shore! Next question that I can obviously answer, please!"

Someone from CNONO news channel quipped "Do you have enough foodstuffs for your voyage? That is always the problem with these voyages, keeping the mass of the vessel down as to conserve energy!"

Harold laughed and hauled out his fishing rod…

Harold Wannapus says goodbye to a real trooper of a worker!

You came in every morning at exactly the right time! You made coffee out of the same coffee grinds. Even though our share prices went through the roof, you were an exceptional goof!

I loved it when you worked overtime and we charged you for straight!
You never really checked out your time sheet at the gate!

Our company saved money through gluing pencil shavings in the right direction,
who ever thought they would pass our inspection,

You sweated in cotton chairs,
with your bum smell in the air,

we knew we could not get our body odor out of them,
but you had lots of flair,

What will we do now that you are gone,
is all that is left in the staff refrigerator will be left alone?

You left your moldy sandwiches there,
as if they were,
an algae wasteland of delight,
you left there for us to see,

Oh but who is me!

Now you leave for a job overseas,
how can we ever repay those fees,
when you overcharged hotel and flights,
on business nights,

to try to promote our brand,
you tried to give us a h…

Harold Wannapus finally cuts his grass

Lucy got up this mid July morning. She began frying her husbands favorite breakfast, beans and wieners. Yappie came around, her Newfoundland dog, to slobber all over the floor. Later on she would mop it as she figured she did not need any water, as only a bit of soap and vinegar would polish the floors in a flash. She tossed the dog a wiener.

Her husband got up, rolled out of bed and fell on the floor as usual. His hair was all out of shape, his breath stunk the dog food that lay in the dogs bowl, and his ears were full of wax.

"Hi dear", as he began to scratch his crotch "Where is my souffle and back bacon"

Lucie got irate and fired a frying pan over his head "Harold Wannapus, do not give me that souffle and bacon talk! I cooked you some beans and weiners, and yet you still want that fancy French Cuisine. Look outside that window, what do you see?  What do you see?"

Harold opened his curtains up. He looked up in the sky, as he rubbed his eyes "Why …

Harold Wannapus and his Fifth sense part 2

Harold was just going to let the rude guy at the end of the line up leave it as it was, but he continued to shoot some hurtful words back.

"Your accent tells me your not from around this area. You are probably from hick country somewhere from no wheres. Now order your friggin sandwich and stop holding us important people up!"

"Just a bloody minute, you urban antenna head!" He gave a wink to the lady at the counter "Get me a bag of chips, and individually microwave them at full heat for two minutes. Yeah, individually" The crowd began to moan "It really appeals to my fifth sense"

The burly man in the back picked up a paper, crumpled it up and hit Harold in the head.

He looked back "Some people say they have the ordinary 5 senses. You know. Taste, touch, smell, sight, and my favorite last one is feeling microwave or high frequency energy in my brain!"

The worker then went about to place each chip at a time in the microwave, as Harold vi…

Harold Wannapus and his 5 th sense for sandwiches.

Harold walked into the European big sandwich store. It was big. You could get any sandwich you wanted. Pork pulled rib, steak and cheese, and his favorite fries and gravy with an assortment of fruits and vegetables. Of course, with him being American, and with him being in a different country, he tried his best to convey what he wanted in this great country of England.

He walked up to the sandwich assemblers, with a big crowd behind him. He iterated politely what he wanted between his 15 inch sandwich buns.

"Ok, I want my fries on there microwaved hot. Put the cheese on cold as ice, as well as the gravy! The sandwich toasted? No, I rather it drenched in cold water, then served to me. Yeah, you do got cold water on tap here, do yeah? How in the heck to you wash your...."

The worker interrupted and sighed "Yes sir, we sure do got cold water on tap and I will drench your big 15 inch round sandwich with hot fries, cold curds and gravy sub in our super wash tub in the back!…

4 on 5 star rating on Goodreads

Got another 4 on 5 star rating on Goodreads for Part 3 the other day. This comes as welcome news,  as now out of 26 reviews and ratings, the average for this book is 3.91 out of 5 stars.

Part 4 is bogged down again somewhat, due to time constraints again. Will try to get it moving again this week. Have really not much time to myself, still as of late.

Till next time...

First time ever ranking 250 on Canadian Amazon chart

Thanks to Canadian readers out there, as my Part 2 and 3 reached 250 and 251 for the top (humor) books sold as per Amazon ranking on Canadian charts. It started at 17000 in books, now it is falling to 28000 as per today.

This is the first time it actually registered in Canada, and usually sales were non existent in Canada.

In the U.S and U.K, the best I could achieve was in the 100 thousand mark, when only one was sold now and then.

Thanks to Canada for checking my books out!

Part 4 maybe published within a week or two, give or take, depending on time constraints. These days time as at a premium for myself, personally...

Thanks to Canada again!

Part 4 - Just waiting for a bit of time...

Really, Part 4 was just a click into becoming reality. During a few thoughts and drinks, I nearly threw out a copy to a self publishing company a few times over the past month or so.

Encouraging sales,  from Part 1 in January suggested that perhaps I should have pulled the trigger on Part 4, sooner than later. And a special # that occurred in the sales news, which was very special to me, gave me a bit of more hope to publish it.

Probably the best sales # I got since the inception of the book (s). The reason, unbeknownst to me. No reason for that to happen at all. Ziltch. Zero. Nadda.

The thing is, I am looking for a new avenue to publish the biggest, perhaps the best, Part of the series anyone will ever see. The cover is incredible. The humor is zanier than ever. The largest novel that I have ever produced. May ever produce.

Reason I did not publish. Worries. Worried that perhaps I am overlooking something in the text. Not enough editing. Not enough collusion. Not enough thrills for …

The Supermarket Guy IV

Hard to believe, but in the last week or two I actually had some spare time.  Spare time to create a cover for Part 4.

Why, I will never know. I think it is because the cover stuck in my mind, like a George Jones song "There is nothing better, once you had the best"

Well, the best cover I had ever made. Why did the black ink not smudge this time, making me frustrated to make it over time and time again? Why did the color scheme seem to flow so effortlessly across its page? Why was the page full of energy and synergy?

Was this cover the greater than the rest of its parts?  Did I finally get it right?

I guess you never know until you try. Thinking that the main body of the text is complete, the cover, the back cover paraphrase, the preface, it all seems like a done deal.

Not yet. Not by a short shot. Short, I hope.

Well, I need to still read through it again. Editing services are expensive at 1200 to 2000 for the whole novel. A novel that may not sell that well.  Looking for …

A sad day for The Supermarket Guy series

Today,  with much regret, I had to take down my website that showcased my three books. I had a small blogspot there also, and it had write ups of the three books paraphrase or summary of how it all unrolled with a biography added about yours truly.

Problem was, the only amount of input I was getting on that site was allot of spam. And for the price of nearly close to 100 dollars a year, I could not justify keeping it running. Basically, zero book sales means I had to cut the costs down somehow.

Now printers want a 20 dollar fee per book to keep your book in availability for print. In my opinion, that is just another money grab, as the book is on a file somewhere on a printing presses hard drive, and they can just churn it out.

I was nearly close to cutting the can even on the three books, just over the 80 dollar fee I am to pay this year in order to keep the three books available to the general public. Why?

Good question. As another year goes by, perhaps my feelings will be to can th…

Harold Wannapus gets a job at his Uncles Moonshine Part 5 is it enuf already?

Uncle Tootleminder coughed up some phlegm and burped "You like that more modern pay scale, now don't yah! And, you can pay me in cash until you earn your money your old pap stole from me 20 years ago and still trying to count that high. I will show yeah my still, located in the big barn just over yonder!"

Harold slapped his Uncle on the shoulder "I cannot wait to get my hands dirty, Uncle. Just imagine all of the responsibility and honesty I will learn out of this job! Show me your Moonshine trees! I will water them every day, and love each and every one of them!"

Uncle Tootleminder looked surprisingly at his nephew as they walked towards the barn doors. He almost spit out his moonshine again "Moonshine trees? You are some funny, kid. You nearly had me fooled in thinking you were a total dummy. Ahh, but you are my family! Great teasers!"

The doors opened wide now, as Harold dropped his jaw in awe. There was a big tank, leading into another tank, then…

Harold Wannapus gets his first job at his Uncles Moonshine Factory Part 4 already?

Uncle Tootleminder took another drink of his powerful moonshine concoction from his overly large mason jar. It looked much like an egg pickling jar, and it was nearly half gone since Harold had just arrived, not too long ago.

He wiped his lips again "Your Dad and I took a one way taxi from Vegas to Maine. Then, when heading across the Penobscot river, your father opened the door as the taxi was driving at high speed. The taxi driver then screeched his brakes, and looked behind as your Dad jumped into the river to swim over to his secluded camp just a few thousand feet, but unreachable by road might I add, at 3 am in the morning! Well, the taxi driver held out his hand and said 'Guess you are going to pay the bill, son. Your friend seemed to be in need of a cold shower tonight' So I was left holding the several thousand dollar taxi bill for the cab!"

Harold then took a smaller mason jar full of moonshine, from a cardboard box that was lying on the ground. He gulped d…

Harold Wannapus gets his first job at his Uncles Moonshine factory Part 3

Uncle Twootleminder then took another swig from a 2 liter clear bottle of moonshine, and licked his lips then puckered them tightly, as he approached the young man.

He started to wipe his cinder filled glasses clear, until only black smudge marks remained. His eyes  moved haughtily to the left, to the right, until finding a small crevice in his eye lens upon seeing a clear picture of his long lost nephew.

"I see yah now, Harold. I remember you" he put his rifle down near a baby carriage parked nearby "And I remember how much of a cheap con artist your dad was"

Harold got up, jumped over the fence at the pig pen, and walked towards him with much excitement in his legs. He held out his hand that was full of pig manure, towards his Uncle.

His Uncle laughed and tightened his clasp of his right hand against his nephews.

"A little pig shit makes your lung stronger. Oh what the hay! My, have you changed since you were in diapers. You used to fill them diapers all da…

Harold Wannapus gets his first job at his Uncles Moonshine factory Part 2

The faded yellow and worn out mopad made its way over a hill, and through a valley into a well hidden area with lots of shrubbery and trees in a direction to which he thought he would reach his Uncles old dilapidated farm.

A few backfire noises came out from the back of his mopad as he reached a wall of brush.

"No brakes? Dad forgot to get to repair the brakes? I wish I had not clipped my toenails, I could have used them to smash the spokes and stop the bike! Damn the luck, I am finished! I just hope the bike survives so Dad can get to me funeral!"

He smashed through the shrubbery wall, as the motorcycle shot over a five foot ledge into a pool of liquid pig manure. Harold flew one way, and the bike the other. He had found his Uncles moonshine hideout.

Suddenly his Uncle rushed out of the shack with an AK 47 and began spraying the pig pen with a few well placed shots at the mopad, which just lay next to Harold. He shot out the last remaining right side mirrors on the bike.

&…

Harold Wannapus gets his first job at his Uncles Moonshine factory

Harold was not doing anything at his house. His father screamed at him while he was eating his favorite peanut butter and mustard sardine sandwich, while watching the aquarium channel on pay per view.

"Are you ever going to get a job boy! You have been out of school just over a full 12 hours now, and all you do is eat my sardines for my lunch at the football field and fill your face full of peanut butter! Darn it all boy, get a life for Gods sake!" he then threw a classified add at him, from Penthouse magazine.

Harold immediately skipped over to the back end of the magazine "Why are all these women naked, dad? Do they live in some small tribal community in the United States? Oh, here are a few jobs! It appears Uncle Scantity has a job opening for his Maple Syrup farm! What luck!"

Harolds Dad angrily grabbed back his magazine "You idiot, Harold. Uncle Scantity has a moonshine operation, and he is hiding it away from the Feds. Now, you get down there this insta…

The Last Hockey Game Harold Wannapus Ever Played in Part II

The Coach slapped Harold on the helmet again, as the unfair referee whistled for another unfounded tripping penalty on a Twizling Twirler player. Harold quickly set up his Tetris on auto play.

"Coach, let me on the ice. That referee is not playing by any Old Age crib club rules by any rusty standard. I will use my cunning to win the game, and get us into second last place in the league. I promise"

Coach Losington made whoopie under his arm, and gave a unconvincingly smiles "Sure, and Whales fart too that create Tsunamis. You are obviously no American Ninja. All my other players are either too fatigued or too tired of waiting at the hospital for X rays. Now, get out there and finally be a man!"

Wannapus got out on the ice, and placed the knob end of his stick on the ice for to take the face off near the opposing teams end.

The coach yelled out at him "Hey, you, idiot! Use the other side of your stick to win the face off, and stop showing off!"

Harold burp…

The Last Hockey game that Harold Wannapus ever Played in!

Harold Wannapus stayed there on the bench, and played Tetris on his old, mundane 24 bit pocket game machine.

His teammates were playing hard, and the score was tied 2 a piece heading into the dying minutes of the third period. Then suddenly one of the Awkward Ardvarks brutish defensive players pile driven their star players head into the ice on an incredible one on one breakaway to the net.

The referee pretended not to notice, and that infuriated Harolds team, the Twizzling Twirlers.

The coach Losington slapped his players heads one by one on the bench, and then gave Harolds head a powerful slap on his cranium. He could see his other players were dejected and burned out with incredible fatigue, but there was a fresh Harold there sitting on the bench, benched for missing several practices in the past and just messing up several plays throughout the year. He definitely was no hockey player, in his eyes.

"You, what is your name, kid. Oh, silly Wannapus! You never played all game, a…

Fastest Giveaway I ever had created!

I created it nearly a half day ago...

Now, there is nothing left...

It had greater speed than a mighty comet entering the Sombrero Galaxy...

Speed of light, maybe nearly as fast...

The contest is over, I want to thank everyone for entering for a chance to win!

Congrats to the winners!

Maybe another to come in a month or so...  Too bad it is restricted only to US Columbia residence ( as per Amazon wishes), but maybe in the future it can be a more worldwide event (nothing against USA, My book is produced there :)

Well, that is the way it goes... Contest over.. Wow... Fast...

I am waiting to see the affect if any from it...

Till next time..

Chance to win Part 1 of "The Supermarket Guy" U.S. residence only as per Amazon

Contest is nearly open for "The Supermarket Guy", a chance to win a copy!

The contest is not up and running yet, but it is only available to U.S. Residence over 18. The contest maybe up and running this afternoon or tomorrow, depending on how busy they are.

Check Amazon for rules and details. http://amzn.to/GArules

Contest over Jan 18 th 2016.

*** Too many entrants at one time.. Contest is over from 24 hrs of its creation... Maybe another to come someday in the months ahead.


Update on the dog who ate a Ferraro Rocher!

I had seen that allot of people were clicking on my last blog posting, a long ways back, about my Dog Pushkin who ate a Ferraro Rocher a long, long time ago.
Well, as a kind of revitalization of the issue, we put another gold wrapped Ferraro Rocher in her Boeuf Bourginion ( the non alcohol type).  She gently grabbed the exquisite golden wrapped chocolate rich bundle of hazelnut joy, and with precision once again ripped off the wrapper, until exposing the whole delicious sphere on the floor. She did not take a millisecond to realize the wrapper was completely tore off. No inspection required, I guess. Kind of like working in a sweat shop in one of those far off lands where they build machine guns that fire back at you, I guess...
She gobbled it out, and let out one tremendous burp!
But licked her chops afterwords!
A real, wonderful New Years story for myself personally to share!
Afterwords, she completed her pilgrimage to the bottom of the bowel, and finished off her Boeuf Bourginion.…