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The Self Publishing 12 days of Christmas for 95 % of us...

What does Christmas mean for the majority of us self published authors. I think of the 12 days of self publishing... Scrooge approved.

1. The usual "Gesh, I didn't know you wrote a book! Where did you find time for that" from festive long lost friends or relatives.

2. When your manly friends tell you "Oh, I did'nt have time to read your books, but my wife read it and she sure likes it... But she likes just about anything she reads"

3. Where can I get a copy of that. I don't got a credit card so I can't order it online... Do you got any free copies...

4. The wife tells you "Why are you spending so much time on that thing. You got wood to split!"

5. Your son tells you "You should have put more pictures in that novel, dad. Maybe then I would have read it"

6. Your local library tells you "Oh, what a cute little book... We will put it way up there on the top shelf where it will keep the dust from falling on the traditional books"

7…

Supermarket Guy 5 halfway done

It is times like these, where I ask myself, should I complete Part 5. Waivering again, not sure of finishing the book. Progressing behind my own time limit, wondering what is the use to continue on writing books that are not highly in demand.

Last year or so, possibly the worst yet the best year for my series. Winning a humor award, but yet producing the worst sales to date. Best review from a review site as well for Part 4,  yet no results at the back end of the sales.

I probably will finish part 5,  but surely over the next year, it more than likely will mean retirement from writing this style of books. Humor cannot finish far ahead of the other genres, unless you possibly have a ton of money for marketing, or you are a famous star who can crank anything out and it will more than likely sell, even if it is bad.

I will more than likely complete the cover on Part 5, and finish the body, but this probably will be the last, if results are much the same as for the rest of the series. 

S…

The Supermarket Guy 5 passed over a rut.

The Supermarket Guy 5 has passed through a rut of sorts. A hole in the text, or a barracade on the road. For a good while, it was either I was not paying enough attention to the work as of late, but I had a hard time to pick up the pen and start writing again. I had a hard time to get to another chapter, or to get to a different section of material that would mesh everything quite well.

Some problems I am having so far is keeping the characters true to form. I need to focus more on the baby, or Harold, the main character somewhat. He is being forgotten about a little too much in the text. This happens often to me, where some text will come to me and I need to get it in the meat of the material fast, and I omit important small parts where the other characters are there, but cannot, absolutely cannot be forgotten. So, there you have it. The main character is here, but he is a baby. And grows and experiences life with some of the people around him from his past. Even one character hi in…

The Supermarket Guy V writing notes.

The Supermarket Guy V will take a few serious notes now and then. A book cannot be completely built on humor, but it highly will be. I am 1/3 rd finished, and have a long journey to go in completing it. Hope finding time to sit back, and write will come to me soon enough. I always think I got free time coming around the corner, then something happens to jam me up again.

The humor is spectacular and flowing so far. It takes a sharp turn in heading back in the same format as Part 1 of The Supermarket Guy, where it is based mostly on family humor. There is no race to save the hero's supermarket franchise from destruction, no race to save the population from nuclear destruction, and no race to save the world from a tyrannical world domination and eventual destructive type scenario. Part 5 goes back to Part 1, a simple format, dealing with personal relationships and personal problems. Bullying is always a feature in most of any book out there, and this one presents itself in many form…

The Supermarket Guy 5 progress report

The progress report on part 5 is not so bad. I had done a little work on it in the past week, but problems and too much work at my real job had suppressed any true progress on this new, but old novel to the series.

Fact is, it is as humorous as the best of my four novels, as it takes the reader back to a time where there was no I Phones. Smoking was cool. Diapers were maybe not used everywhere. And the hero is just a baby to teenager. He has to try to understand a life he was thrown into, where perhaps love was not entirely there for him, and caring came to him in the most unexpected places.

Cannot really get into to much into the details, but he definitely will suprise everyone with his mediocrity, perhaps, or true talent and become a hero in another small way...

Maybe he may even meet one of his old nemesis, by mistake, not even knowing his real name!

Well, I hope I can get the time to finish it off, but I am behind schedule. But who is really waiting for me to finish it, anyways..…

The Supermarket Guy # 1 for 2017 Ebook Humor at New Apple Literary Summer Ebook Awards!

This time I finally won an award... On my second try to another contest...

Would like to thank New Apple Literary for chosing "The Supermarket Guy" # 1 in their Humor Category for their 2017 Ebook summer reading contest!

Here is the link to view :  http://www.newappleliterary.com/2017ebook/2017ebookCat12.html

Very thankful, and surprised, as usual the last few months have been relatively hard on my writing time. I had entered the book in another contest, but this contest seemed to place my book at # 1.

When I went to visit the award winners list, I ultimately did not expect to see my name up there... At all. This was an incredibly, splendid surprise, and it does provide me with enough boost to finish Part 5 of "The Supermarket Guy"

Everyone needs some good news every now and then. And I truly hope whoever reads this, that you out there, can get some good news too!

Thanks to the fans, and readers, for following, and reading.

The Supermarket Guy 4 fails to win award at book contest.

Little while ago, I entered Part 4 of my series into a book award contest. If it did really well, or even finished within the top 10, I would have been very pleased. It did not win any awards. It sort of descended my fervor for writing. Part 5 is probably 25 % complete, but when looking at the results of years of work, and not really cracking any true following or interest among my works, it is as if a heavy thousand pound anchor of lead has been attached to my pencil, and I cannot bear myself to write any longer.

Ok. Maybe half of that up there is not true. The latter. I met a guy I used to work with at the local market here, and he has started to write books. Maybe I had something to do with it, as I told him how easy it was to do, such a long time ago. Maybe he would have found his way without me, but I still think when when talked he had a strong link to what I was doing, and in spirit felt he could do the same.

My books on Goodreads had great reviews in the past month. Two 5 on …

The Supermarket Guy 5's progress report

The Supermarket Guy 5 is going very well. The main crux of the beginning chapters of the book is complete. Of course, the 'crux', the most pivotal point, most important point, is at the first of the book. It sometimes cannot be at the 2/3 rds or 3/4 length of the book. The 'crux' has mass, it has importance, and is the very vitality of the whole series. Nonetheless, it is at the beginning. Something so improbable that it could not have happened without some sort of luck or divine intervention.

It somewhat parallels how the "Star Wars" series started from the later parts, and the front parts came later in time. We remember how the "Dumb and Dumber" franchise went back to their high school days, and perhaps how successful the story becomes determines maybe how far back you can go with that to stretch the story out to make it all link together to your later series.

Part 5, not sure if a Part 6 would fit in between Part 1 and Part 5, but it is possible…

Supermarket Guy 5 doing very well.

Have approximately 15 % written on Part 5 so far. It is going really well, but the first few chapters maybe more drama and less action. Relationships come into play as the main characters father and mother first meet. A meeting of the eccentrics, one extreme male dominate character with a woman who takes liberty to the maximum extreme, looking back to the 70's, where we remember the 8 track tape and black and white tv. When smoking was cool. A decade where the men held the dominance in affairs and in the household, and the women usually held the fort at the home. Things have changed for the better through the late 80s and 90s, as a womans place in the world has become much more equal these days, becoming bread winners and with the men sharing allot of the household chores these days in many families. Perhaps Margaret Thatcher paved the way for many women all over the world. Now even governments make sure there is a good number of women in their cabinet in order to govern, and man…

The Supermarket Guy V coming along very well!

The Supermarket Guy V is coming along very well. The first few pages are solid, and it takes in a time back before the main character was born, near the time close to the late 70s. No internet, no color TV in his house, and allot of TV dinners. A true nuclear family!

The cover is nearly drawn out. Have to rearrange and change a few things, but things are working well on that front too. New characters are drawn into the novel, as well as a few old. Hoping this novel will focus more on the little simplicities of life that we often forget, and situations and things that are still ongoing today.

Maybe will be able to print in the fall, just a cheaper E book version...

Got to go, business calls.

The 5.2 Honko Motor is installed in Grannies Chair lift from Hell!

Famous and well liked in the area Grandma Ponkatup winced at her two grandsons "You hook up that 5.92 L Honko motor to my chairlift, you better make sure it makes the California Emission standards! If not, you guys will have to pay to hook a metal flex pipe from its muffler into the old coal mine tunnel not so far from our swish cellar!"

Anissohi laughed and comforted his grandma with a big hug "Do not worry, Grandma. When that old Honko diesel motor chugs down the stairway, it will only idle, as the alternator will charge its 24 volt battery! You can feel assured by the violent seat vibrations that will occur when that rudely tuned motor vibrates you into a coma!"

Fruknuts sighed "Stop toying with grannie, and get your story straight! We will hook up the exhaust to the toilet outlet. From there, it will go under the sewer field bed right under her cucumbers. She will have so many she will have to hire a few green environmentalors to harvest em! Then they wil…

Put the 5.92 L Honko motor on Grandma's chair lift!

Grandma Ponkotup whizzed and whirred down the stairs in her electric chairlift like it was a magic carpet ride... Until, her electronic chair ran over her son Fruknuts tube of permethrin lotion for his crabs...

The stuff just squirted all out, and some got caught in between the banged up enclosure over the electric motor and gave Grannie a good shock...

So much of a shock, that she fell off the chair and tumbled and hurled down the stairs shouting "That last lobster is mine, that last lobster is mine, get your grubby hands off of it.. Get your grubby hands off of it now mister!"

Reviving those good ole days, of when her husband was alive... How he would try to out stage her in the county lobster cracking festival, all for to win a free deworming at the local detox center in the downtown city main street.

Fruknuts ran over and cried "My crabs, now I'll never get rid of em..."

Anissohi, his adopted brother screamed as he put a helium balloon up his Grannies mout…

Get me a fat chicken dinner and a 5 gallon pail of beer!

Sure, Jokatuzuora could hit a ball far into the ballpark. Right into the bleachers! He had the speed and eyes of an eagle. It was the universal series game, game 7 that is, and tied in the bottom of the 9 th... He was brought from his stellar hitting carreer in the Antartica triple A, to his incredible Universal Baseball league years!

Jokatuzuora asked only of his Major League contract is to have a fat chicken dinner and a 5 gallon pail of beer! He was at bat now. He just had to swing the bat below his 60 inch beer belly, and be a hero! Some people say his oversized belt hanging through the last loop usually hit the ball after the second strike... After he loosened his belt buckle, allot!  After hitting his 80 th home run this season, each ball exiting the ballpark and smashing someones windshield and cellular phone case, as usual, he ran around the bases and flipped over a loosely held second base...Well, this was no exception!

He hit that ball out of the ballpark! The opposing crow…

Jorumthium has a pet whale!

Rukkabunk looked up at his mother. He was carrying his prized yorkshire terrier abord the luxury cruise ship, the prestigious oil tanker "Black Sea Patches", as its rusty old sheet metal was thin and sometimes let out a streak of oil slick on top of the mighty world oceans.

Rukkabunk looked at pitiful, weak Jorumthium and laughed "I bet Jorumthium wishes he had a pet lime mine! My dog is some smart and sharp, probably way to intelligent for that 5 year old kid over there!"

His elegant red leather dressed, high heeled mom smirked and patted him on the head "Son, you know what I told you about belittling people! Do your best to show them that you are pretty much perfect in everything, and that they are lousy in all what they do! Then throw your Yorkshire Terrier head first at the little boy, and watch him bite his head off!"

Poor Jorumthium ducked near the side rails on the top deck of the boat, as the poor little Yorkshire Terrier flew over the deck... Ru…

Supermarket Guy 5- Maybe ready for the Fall or Christmas time!

It has been sticking with me for a long time now. The Supermarket Guy 5. The prequel to it all. The tough, senseless, youth stages of the incredible midas touch dude with the lucky rabbits foot in his smelly undershorts- Harold Wannapus.

Why not? If I have time on my hands, where do I put it... Actually, it would seem I should have better places to put it, but I am now thinking on a light novel like done with Part 1. Not complicated, just funny and whimsical. Capricious and unpredictable.

And done in E book, at a cheaper rate! I will not go back to paperback, until I see some showing signs of sale movements. Right now, I see not much to help a Part 5 along in paperback, but in E book well, who cares? The costs are so low, I can see myself writing up another...

Well, we will see how the storyline goes. How to incorporate competing high schools so that perhaps the great Jon Acadou and Wannapus unknowingly strived against each other for first place in some other sport or chess game! Yet…

I thut dat Valentines was in March!

Jokioanoma looked at his lovely ex wife Romanopaovi.

She had another man on his arm. One who would not forget, Valentine's day.

Sure Jokioanoma put the bread and butter on the table. Sure he cut the grass and smoked it too... Sure.. He was a real winner like the most of us...

When he seen his woman walking through the luxury car mall with her new man, he broke down and read her a poem from the bottom of his illiterate heart...

Sure Valentines has made me into a faker,
And I forgot about buying you,
Some pretty little cake and a 50 cent jawbreaker,
remember when you sanded the rust,
off of my old beaten up chevrolet omega with an inch of dust,
on its metal clade and half putty filled exterior,
but you made it look like the Taj Mahal interior,

you bailed hay,
every day,
you cut wood,
until you cut your foot,
you made food half frozen,
but eating it ten days after was golden!

I sure miss you in bed,
they way you read,
mysteries and vampire tales,
until you started to draw my blood i…

I walked through a tranquil forest searching for birch bark...

I stopped my car on the busy interstate,
swerving off to the curb,
I ran into the wooded forest at a high rate,
getting away from the noisy suburbs,

When I then could see fir trees,
for all the miles past me,
but then there appeared,
it was so weird,

A man playing a flute,
shaven head,
he held no bad repute,
and looked like he was well fed,

His tune was seductive,
as the birds in massive flocks,
tweeted around him loud as a ruckus,
I flung up my sweat filled socks,

as I could see a birch tree next to a lark,
I said I better do this before it gets dark,
so I ripped of a sheet or two,
as my face turned blue,

from holding it in that long,
I forced until all the sound stopped...

Phew..

Neighbor came over discussing 666 mark of the beast!

I was outside shovelling snow, when a neighbor seen me and came over to interrupt my shovelling. We began talking about borders and such, and new security things that were popping up everywhere, mostly in the form of biometric scanning.

We know certain companies have pay systems that have finger print scans... Some companies now have hand scanners, either for tickets for themeparks or entry into workplaces...

Then the debate came as he said perhaps it is 666, or the mark of the beast...

Well, I thought about it for a bit... I had read the bible when I was very young, and remembered a bit about it. I had not went to church now for a good year and a half due to my own personal problems at home... No time on my hands, actually to do anything... So I am no better than anyone else out there, that is for sure...

I replied that I was thinking that those hand scanners and finger print jobbies, are just like taking X rays at the hospital. I did not believe that we were there yet, and many dif…

10 cents per liter or 50 air miles?

Was at a grocery store tonight, picking up some items that we had forgotten about during the weekly supermarket visit. The lady asked me for my air miles card. She scanned it through. Then, she quickly showed me two coupons which led to an either or question.

"Sir, would you like 10 cents per liter off of your gas or 50 air miles added onto your card?"

I thought about it within a second, and replied.

"Let's just pretend my wife is not here, and lets take the 10 cent per liter gas coupon"

Laughter erupted just alongside me, as a women in her mid 50's began to laugh.

She said "That is so funny. Let's just pretend your wife is not here, that tone of voice you used"

Well, the lady and the cashier began to laugh hysterically.

I decided to explain "Well, it makes for a shorter trip when she leaves on the plane with her and her friends" I cajoled.

"For once I want something for my truck, she is not here so I can get a little bit back …

Grandpa Wannapus vs. Grandpa Acadou: The final Karaoke!

The nurses aids and event co ordinator set the both men back up in their chairs, after frantically slapping each other in the face a few times... Now they were far enough away so they could do no harm, as they rolled them into each a corner place in the large auditorium.

The even coordinator smiled and took the mic "Ok everybody, it is Karoake night will all of our senior home pals! Who wants to sing first? Who wants to give everyone a joyful, tear jerking melodies of our past memmories? Maybe a few love songs for our senior Level 4 love birds out there, or maybe for those workers who have developped love affairs with our patients, tee hee!"

Immediately Acadou and Wannapus raised their hands and nearly fell out of their chairs in competition. Both wanted to sing, and sing badly. All the others grumbled and sputtered in disgust.

The event co ordinator pointed to Acadou "Ok, you first Grandpa Acadou. Wheel him up here, please. What will you sing for us today?'

He rol…

Grandpa Wannapus vs. Grandpa Acadou

Grandpa Wannapus and Grandpa Acadou slammed into each other up and down the hallway at Silver Haven Level 4 care home in Dubai. It was a luxury Level 4 care home, with a la carte meals provided for the rich and famous. Their wheelchair wheels blackened the marble white floors at times while jostling, with their axles sparking at the wheels when one put their continuing shortened walking canes in between each others spokes.  Acadou yelled when finally his cane was shortened so much that he got his finger caught in between the spokes. Grandpa Wannapus laughed. Finally they both arrived at the entrance at the same time, both falling out of their chairs and into the Karaoke hall.

The nurse and event coordinator hauled the two men up into their respective wheel chairs. She spoke harsh to them "Now, behave gentleman and no trying to poison or cut propane lines in an attempt to kill one another today, please. Enjoy the kaoroke, and please sing about how much you love the other one!&quo…

Harold Wannapus vs. Jon Acadou's New Year resolution!

Harold phoned Jon Acadou, who was getting the his nose hairs pulled out via a wax job.

He picked up his state of the art 1 mm thick glass phone with neon blue soft lit buttons "Ouch... Ouch! Harold Wannapus, how did you get my number. It is unlisted in the phone book and is upmost secret!"

Harold scratched his forehead "I found your phone number in a womens washroom at boob zone, the newest plastic surgery outlet for women who have money and are looking for a big sugar daddy like yourself! Just like you, I mistakenly took the massive boobs for a set of nuts way up there on the door, and charged in to the chagrin of a few over ballooning women!"

Acadou slammed his fist on his powder pad. A massive cloud of dust erupted, causing him to cough "Damn you Harold Wannapus! Will you ever stop your madness and imagery of mindless lies!" He looked up at his beautiful bosomed woman who was waxing his nose hairs "Please, more powder on my forehead, please!"…